Monday, 19 February 2018

Healing Magic is Horrible

“Healing magic isn’t clean. Not by a long shot. Magic is messy and unpredictable, despite being (technically) a science. When you heal someone, you aren’t putting your hands on them and saying the magic words and they’re all better. You’re taking the two ragged ends of the wound and convincing the person’s body to accept them. Or cauterizing an injury with your bare hands. Or just telling death to fuck off. It sucks.”

“Healing magic is brutal, traumatizing, and dangerous, for both parties involved. It’s like performing surgery, but your tools are all rigged with sensitive magical explosives that can go off partway through the operation. Have you ever tried to negotiate with an infection? Hearing their rasping, sickly voices, the smell of disease in your nose… it’s enough to drive anyone to madness. I once saw guy break a leg while he was with a plant mage; the bone was just hanging out. The crazy fucker cut the damn thing off and shoved a sapling in the wound. Pete needs to prune his legs now.”

“Does a damn fucking good job though.”

TL;DR: healers are less this:
Image result for magic healing

And more this...
Image result for combat medic

Crossed with this...
Related image
And a lot more blood

Thursday, 15 February 2018

The Hag of Brewer's Wood

This is a small, simple area/adventure you can plop into your campaign wherever. It works best in a northern swamp, boggy and cold. It is shown here in a hexmap format. It uses the silver piece standard, so if you're using D&D or something, just convert all cash to gold.

Brewer's wood isn't quite a town: more like a collection of campfires, tents, and other assorted vagabonds and bandits. They aren't all bad, but the whole place is quite unpleasant.

Random Encounters in Brewer's Wood
  1. 1d6 hunters with fresh food, in good spirits.
  2. 1d6 hunters without food, desperate, will trade (they have next to nothing, and if they aren’t bartered with, 3-in-6 chance one will try to steal from you).
  3. A family of 1d6 huddled around a fire (1d4-1 children). They are neutral, but become friendly if you offer them food. They will not share their food with you (they don’t have enough to go around as it is).
  4. 1d6 bandits who want everything you own. 
  5. 1d6 bandits enforcing a toll (1d12 sp/person)
  6. 1d4 small zombie children soaked in alcohol. They came from 34.21. 1-in-6 chance that it will instead be one living child, who will tell you about Ulva Von Stein.
The town itself (33.20) is mostly just hunters and families. They'll tell you their oh-so-sad stories, the bandits will try to recruit you/rob you, and so on.

33.21 has a wooden wall trying to protect the hunters squatting beside it from the cold winds from the snowlands. It doesn't work, and they are miserable and cold. They will trade you meat and gold for warmth.

The Hag of Brewer's Wood
The Hag of Brewer's wood resides in 34.21. Her name is Ulva Von Stein. The hex itself is shrouded in mist, which lets people in, but does not let them out without permission from Ulva, who lives in a giant barrel in the middle of the hex.

She’s been stealing children from the town and burying them in the swamp in barrels. She wants children of her own, but doesn't quite know how to go about it. Some of the children are still alive. Others are undead. If she is threatened, she will raise 2d4 barrels from the ground. 1d4-1 of them will burst open and coughing, half dead children will slide out. The rest will be smashed open from the inside, and ghoulish children will appear, hungry for flesh. Returning living children to their parents will net you 5 silver each.

Ulva wants to be left alone, but will trade you alcohol for necessities or more children. The alcohol allows you to walk through the mists surrounding the swamp. In her hut, there are 1d6 bottles of special mead, labeled with a walking corpse. She won't sell you these. They smell like death, but taste like oddly meaty honey. Drinking one will allow you command mindless undead for 24 hours by speaking to them.

There is a recipe in her hut, which allows a necromancer to make the undead-commanding alcohol (it takes a magically incribed barrel costing 20 silver, 40 silver worth of honey, and some magical energy, as well as 1 month to ferment in a barrel with a corpse in it, and produces 5 bottles). The bottles can be sold for 30 silver each, or the recipe for 100 silver.

 Drawn by some medieval dude.

Monday, 29 January 2018

Lint and the Other Lints

Everything exists.

Lint is a world in a state of perpetual paradox and contradicting truths. It is the world where the cat is simultaneously dead and alive. People manage to survive in it anyway. Nothing is constant, everything exists and doesn’t. And people conveniently ignore it when it comes up.

Elves don’t exist. They also walked down from the stars a few thousand years ago and built their cities from meteorites. Then, everything evolved from elves being corrupted by dragonic magic. Nobody has heard of an elf, but the forest is full of them. They only live in their meteor-cities.

Humans were the first race to walk the earth, where they ran with the dogs and the horses. But the Ikuna have been around for longer, back when humans were still grubbing in the dirt. Dragons are experiments by elf wizards, but elves sometimes don’t exist, so dragons are also the primal manifestations of magic from when the world was created.

Nothing is constant. Continents shift, kingdoms aren’t where you remember them. A race of bird men suddenly own all the cities near the mountains, and always have. The next day, they’ve never existed.

There are knights, the Order of the One True Land, who remember the old worlds. They’ve sewn their mouths shut to stop themselves from screaming out in madness, and inscribe their findings on enormous books for people to read. Sometimes, those books disappear, and then the knights know they are off to the places of Lint that don’t exist right now. This is how they recruit new members. Anyone who can read through the entire, rambling tomb learns to see through worlds.

Goblins can always see through worlds, when they exist. That’s why they’re all mad. Dragons hide their hordes in hopes that they won’t be stolen when the dragon disappears for a while. Elves just mysteriously answer ‘we were in the fey lands.’ Really, they have no idea what happened, besides faint memories of a world much like this one.

There is only one god, but he is a myth, and he is all the gods, and he exists alongside the other gods. He sometimes lets people come back from the dead, but resurrection is impossible, and it’s also quite easy.

The Embraced think all this business is silly and stupid. In some worlds, they hide underground, waiting in hibernation for the paradox storms to bring them back to their queen.

Everything exists. Anything can happen. Anyone can be.

Friday, 19 January 2018

Land of the God-Kings Update: Tragedy Has Struck

So, all the LotGK files have been lost. My computer crashed, the files disappeared, and they weren't backed up. I'm back to square 1.

The project is not being abandoned, but it is being put on the backburner for an undetermined amount of time.

I'll probably work on some other stuff, but yeah. Land of the God-Kings is gonna be a while.

Tuesday, 9 January 2018

The Ikuna Part I | They Who Conquered Death

A thousand years ago, they conquered death.

An army of Ikuna, three million strong, marched to the gates of the Last Fortress, to war with the world beyond the world. Zira, She In Pain, trembled at their approach, and Lady Dogrunner pulled the race of men from their path.

The souls of the dead fought back, their desperation and anger crashing against the Ikuna like an ocean against a mountain. The dead were cut down, and trampled under the Ikuna’s ironclad feet.

The Last Fortress was taken. Many Ikuna died. Broken bodies littered the doorsteps of the Last Fortress, smashed, aged, and destroyed. But the Ikuna had won. Death was theirs.

Ninety thousand Ikuna survived the assault on the Last Fortress. Ninety thousand creatures who had conquered death.

An Ikuna is tall. Taller than any man, and stronger too. Smarter as well. And better-looking. Pale, graceful, and inhumanly strong. Inhumanly quick. Inhuman in everything but basic shape.

Ikuna are perfect. They spent hundreds of years in the pursuit of perfection. Then a hundred more in the wallows of debauchery. Many have brought themselves back to perfection once again.

Their swords are heavy enough to be used as a bludgeon. Their armor is too thick to be dented by anything less than a dragon. Their magic shatters minds and bodies alike, leaving twisted amalgamations of flesh in their wake.

None of this matters.

Ikuna do not use swords. Ikuna do not wear armor. Ikuna do not use magic. They don’t have to. They don’t want to. They spent lifetimes fighting as the best the world… any world, had to offer.

Ikuna will not fight you. They will speak. Or they may stay silent. They may try to kill you, but it will be halfhearted. A joke they have not heard, or an impressive display of skill will stop them in their tracks.

Death was the greatest challenge any Ikuna could face. In the end, even it fell before them. They do not die.

Some say death is frightened of them. Frightened to go near them. The greatest of the Ikuna cannot even kill: death will not enter their presence, no matter how much it should.

An Ikuna isn’t a challenge to kill. Not the first time. Maybe not even in the second. Fighting them is almost… easy. You stab them, and they go down quietly, without even so much as a sigh. But they’ll be back.

They won’t fight as skillfully as you.

They won’t scheme as cunningly as you.

They won’t try as hard as you.

Because in the end?

They only have to win once.

Sunday, 24 December 2017

Into the Metadungeon Open Dev I

The metadungeon is an amalgamation of every dungeon ever. It contains heinous monsters, 
untold treasures, and bad puns. Everything is life or death slapstick tragicomedy.

Are you a hero? Are you a villain? Are you just here to kill things and take their stuff?

Find out in the metadungeon!




Rolling: 1d20, roll under. If you get lower than your total, you succeed. Roll 3d6 for each stat, 
in order.

Strong (damage, hit things)
Tough (health)
Agile (dodge, sneak)
Talk (followers, luck)
Smart (experience level)



On your turn, you can attack. Your attack is equal to 9+your level+any relevant stats. 
Strong is relevant for most weapons. 
Agile is relevant for ranged and light weapons. 
Talk is probably only relevant if you have a sharp (literally) tongue.
 Smart never goes near weapons. 
When you hit someone, you roll your damage dice, and add the relevant stat. If they have 0 health,
they die. A HD is 1d8.

If you are attacked, your defence is equal to your agility. 
If you are hit, subtract your armour from the damage you take. 
If you ever get to 0 health, test tough. On a failure, you die.

Choose class:

Health: 1d10/level +tough modifier
Damage: 1d10
Gain a weapon (you must have a copy of this weapon/object in real life, or at least a close approximation). 
Give the weapon a name. 
If you attack using the weapon and wave the real version of it around threateningly, you gain +1 damage 
or attack for every level you have. If you ever lose or break the weapon, find another one.
Choose 1/level.
Berserker: If you scream and froth at the mouth enough that other people are worried you might spit 
on them, you can reroll your health dice. 
If you aren’t wearing a shirt, gain armour equal to half your level.

Health: 1d8/level +tough modifier
Damage: 1d6
You can pray, reciting scraps from your holy book that are relevant to your situation 
(you do not have to make a holy book beforehand. That can be done as you recite from it). 
Whenever you do this, ask the GM if they thought it was a nice bit of wisdom. 
If they did, gain a favour point. 
The maximum number of favour points you can spend each turn is equal to your level. 
If you ever gain more than 5 favour points, you ascend to a higher plane of existence (e.g: die).
Heal: You can spend a favour point to heal someone, provided they swear to serve the tenets of your 
god (define the tenets of your god). 
If they laugh or break their oath, you can smite them for 1d100 damage.
An Divine Load of Bullshit: If the GM doesn’t like a scrap of your holy book that you recited, 
or instead of asking the GM, you can ask the players if they liked it. 
Gain 1 favour point for every one who did.

Health: 1d6/level +tough modifier
Damage: 1d8
If you can manage to steal dice from other players or the GM without them noticing, 
you can give those dice back, but not before rolling them and using the outcome instead of one 
you rolled. 
You can do this a number of times per turn equal to your level.
Choose 1/level.
Backstabbing Bastard: If the GM isn’t paying attention, and you can manage to stab them in 
a vital area (it doesn’t have to be with a real knife), then you can tell them which monster or NPC 
you just killed. 
If you stab a player instead, you can kill them. 
If the person you are trying to stab catches you, you have to deal with the consequences.
Sneakster: If another player can’t see you, neither can any of their characters.
Liar’s Dice: You can hide the result of your roll behind a cup or your hand, 
and tell the other players whatever you like. If one of them tells you to, reveal your dice. 
If you rolled what you said, you gain an experience. 
If you didn’t roll what you said, you lose an experience.

Health: 1d4/level +tough modifier
Damage: 1d4
Bring a book with you when you play (if you don’t have a book, you’re shit outta luck). 
This book is your spell book. 
Every time you level up, you can get an additional book. 
Your ‘reading pool’ is equal to the number of chapters in your book. 
This reading pool recharges every time you read a chapter of the book. 
The number of reading points you can spend every turn is equal to your level.
Choose 1/level.
Devil Summoner: For a reading point, you can test smart to try to summon a character from that book, 
with the stats below. 
If you fail, the GM chooses what character you summon from the book, and they are hostile.
Book Character HD=the number of syllables in the character’s name.
Damage=1 dice size for every vowel in the character’s name.
Morale=the number of titles the character has, +1, x1d10.
Stealth=the number of consonants in the character’s name
Blast: You can blast enemies with your book. 
You can expend a point from your reading pool to create a blast that deals 1d6 damage.


HD: 5
Damage: 2d6
Special Abilities: Each player must try to guess how to pronounce it’s name. 
Whoever the GM judges comes the closest gains +1 armour and +1 damage against it. 
Everyone else takes 1d6 damage from too many consonants.

Dice Monster
HD: 1 HP
Damage: 1
Special Abilities: At the beginning of each round, every character must make a save. 
If they fail, their player gives the GM 1 dice. 
That dice is rolled, and it’s total is added to the Dice Monster’s HP. 
The dice is then put aside. 
If all dice are put aside, the players can no longer roll dice, or do anything that requires dice, 
unless they find a way to get more dice. 
A stealer can try to steal the dice back, so the GM should be vigilant against that.

Sunday, 10 December 2017

Land of the God-Kings: Flaws and History

Land of the God-Kings is going strong. Slow, but strong.

I just wanted to give a rundown of the two most unusual of the game's stats: Flawed, and History.


Flaws are an essential (I believe) part of any super-powerful character. Otherwise, they're just a Power-fantasy mary sue.

Flaws are a character stat. Technically. They are ranked from +1 to +3. The exception to this is the Ancient (who's flaws go down to =0), and anyone who gains a new flaw (which starts at =0). There is a list of 9 flaws characters can choose from, and room to create more, if the GM allows it.

Flaws include: Ambition, Greed, Honour, Isolation, Kindness, Pride, Rage, Revenge, and Sacrifice. A character can have multiple flaws, and flaws can be at different levels.

Flaws are used for 4 moves: the most any stat governs. Harm, Final Fate, Flawed, and Break the World.

Harm, Final Fate: Harm and Final Fate are two moves that determine what happens to a character when their Stress is filled up. Harm triggers when Stress (the games psuedo-HP) is filled up. Final Fate triggers when stress is filled up and a character is acting on their Fatal Flaw.
Unlike most moves, with Harm and Final Fate, you want to roll low. A high roll of Harm results in your character being out of action and in some sort of danger (unconscious, threatened by an enemy, trapped). Note that even the worst result on a Harm move cannot kill a character. A low result results in your character being out of action, but they accomplish something off-screen. Maybe they plan while licking their wounds, maybe they infiltrate somewhere: you can work with your GM on that.

Final Fate is nastier. A high roll of Final Fate results in 2 things: your character becoming an NPC, or Death. A low roll results in permanent stat reduction, a playbook switch, or crossing off moves.

As you may have noticed, this means that a character can only die if they are acting on their Fatal Flaw.

Flawed: Flawed trigger when a character acts on their Fatal Flaw, and serves as a means of advancing experience, as well as gaining power boosts. If a character rolls low, they gain experience with no side effects. If a character rolls high, they gain the tag (power ups/power downs) acting on my fatal flaw, giving them a bonus to any rolls related to their Fatal Flaw, and a penalty on all rolls opposed to it. In addition, rolling high increases your flaw. If a flaw is increased to +4, it instead resets to +1 and you mark experience. This incentivizes characters to seek out their flaw, despite the risks.

Break the World: Break the World is the last move that runs off of the Flaw stat, and does pretty much what it says in the title: You break the world, doing something so dangerous, so immense, or so outside of the games scope that it makes people go 'what.' With this move, you want to roll high.

Really, really high.

A roll of a 10+ gives you a choice between the following options:
• cross off a move.
• gain a permanent severity 1 tag.
• reduce one of your stats by stat-1.
• change your playbook.
• the collateral damage is devastating and irreversible.

As you can probably tell, this isn't a move to be used lightly. On a 7-9, the GM chooses on of the options. On a 6-, the GM chooses one of the options, and you must roll Final Fate. But, if done correctly, this move can do pretty much anything. Create a new race. Kill death. Raise a continent from the ocean. Put out the sun.


History (credit to apocalypse world) is an important stat for the group. Each character has history with each other character.

History ranges from -2 to +3, and is determined at the beginning of the game by each character asking questions. An example:

A Dragon, an Ancient, and a Monarch are playing a game together. It's the first session, and they ask their questions.

The Monarch goes first: She asks: 'Who among you has been my ally in the past?' The Ancient decides that he was a foreign dignitary when the Monarch was a child, and says it was him. The Monarch writes +2 for his history, and moves on to the next question. 'Who among you has been my enemy in the past?'

The Dragon shakes his head. 'I've never been in this continent before.' He says. 'I couldn't have been.' Since the Ancient already answered a question, he can't be the enemy. Therefore, instead of marking the -2 History beside the Dragon's name, the Monarch marks a +1, which is the standard for Monarch's. She finishes, and they move on.

This would continue, with each character asking their questions until each character has history with every other character. History is used for two moves: Help/Hinder, and Remember

Help/Hinder: Held/Hinder is a very basic move: a character rolls+history with another character (this is the only move in the game that can only be used on PCs), and they adjust the other PCs roll depending. On a 10+, they may adjust the roll by 2 in any direction. On a 7-9, they may adjust the roll by 1 in any direction.

This moves lends a distinct PVP system to the game, but it is optional (not the move, the PVP). The game works if two PCs decide to have a go at each other, and it sounds like a wonderful idea for a game. However, if you decide you want to play a team of allies, talk about it with your group like adults, and agree not to inflict penalties on each other. 

Remember: Remember is the move that players can use to have agency in the history of the Land of the God-Kings. The player rolls+history (their highest history score, or, if they are remembering something pertaining to another PC, their history score with that PC), and then they tell the GM something they remember from the past that is relevant to the situation. On a 7-9, the GM will tell them how it has changed, if they wish.

This lets players determine little parts of the world as they wish. If they find an indestructible ring, they can Remember that there happens to be a convenient active volcano nearby that they can throw it in. On a 7-9, the GM could say that it is now inactive, but if one were to dig deep and set the ashes alight with dragonfire...